Stranger of Beauty

My Queen
As me love for you comes from deep inside me
Erupts from my spleen

Blue Dreams
Slung over all day, creating a fantasy
When, romantically, you are a deep-rooted red

The silhouette of perfection
As the shaded of beauty reflect abroad your skin
Into unknown worlds through the passage of sea

Where art thou?
As my eyes widen onto your nakedness
Shimmering of diamond palettes

Have you flown with your thought?
Consumed with all your wretched worries
How is it that I can believe, when it is you who can not see?

Blinded by your misery
As you slumber on what you make seem catastrophe
My love you are beautiful!

Why must I always remind you?
When it is not I who looks for the imperfection
In your timeless space as you hate your reflection

Awaken from your Sahara Desert
Home is within your departure
From your heart to your soul

From the castles of clouded judgment
In between time and space
You lie, inclined to believe otherwise

Distance your ligaments, My Queen
Liberate the toxin
Fly beyond the universe like the breath of your hair

Stranger to her beauty
A diamond in the rough

Death and Love

Madness is that of you and me. As this pain cripples me from behind and generates a new way of life. From the essence of truth, like a phoenix, I have been reborn. Blood has been sacrificed and a means of survival has been taunted by love and forgiveness. Where art thou my king? As i yearn for the crucifixion of my soul and of your hands as they caress my consciousness.

The crows entered the courtyard and the crowd began to surface the arena. A man stood afar off the peak of Colosseum where the King and the rest of his kin watched. Every son and daughter of the King was present, except one.

William Charles, the eldest of the Kings children, was always the liveliest of children. A tall, pale faced, statue of beauty. His eyes were of the honey bees. His long hair swung just below his elbows in a ponytail. The way he walked was not that of royalty, but one of a regular human being. He always fed the poor with his own hands and clothed them with what he wore off his back. He was a splitting image of his father and eyes of his long gone mother.

William was known throughout the country for helping the underprivileged and in doing so he began to fancy one of the peasants. The peasant was known as Aba, a third generation farmer from the family of Theodore. William Charles befriended Aba and allowed him to stay at his palace from time to time. His father differed with the choices William Charles had made, but nonetheless he was his son and future king.

One day, the King sent one of the servants to inform William Charles that he was to get ready for the Festival of Night, where William Charles was going to be named future king of Magnifique Ciel. However, as the peasant arrived closer to the door where Williams Charles slept, he heard voices and moans. One voice, the servant knew for sure was William Charles. But the other, was an unfamiliar one to the servant. He turned in frantic and hid behind one of the statues in the corridor. The door opened, suddenly, and out appeared Aba, a caramel skinned shabby looking man. Aba took long strides and soon disappeared down the staircase which lead to the exit of the Palace of Magnifique Ciel.

In disgust and horror, the servant ran back to the King with information that he knew for sure the King would disagree with. As he unraveled the story to the King, the King stood up and turned away with no words. He showed no emotion in his face as the servant told him what he had seen. However, he did whisper unto one of the guards to summon Aba to his presence.

No more than thirty minutes later, Aba was being carried by 3 guards and thrown in front of the King.

The King turned to him and said, "My boy, my dear peasant you. Explain to me the relationship you share with my son."

Aba, shaking, said, "He is my friend my King, nothing more, nothing less. Your son has taken his generosity upon me, that is all."

"So why then my boy, has one my servants witnessed a great disgrace amongst the two of you?! Why do you lie to your King and in front of the Mighty Court?! Guards, take this worthless peasant, and throw him to the gates below my feet immediately. Summon my son at once !"

From the shadows appeared William Charles, "I am already present father. Leave Aba alone. He has no fault in my decisions."

"You lie my son. You are a monster and I am shameful of your acts. Today is the day you were to be proclaimed future King of this wretched country. How could you my son?!"

The King turned towards the guard and nodded his head in shame towards William Charles. The guards followed his order, grabbed hold of William Charles and dragged him to the Colosseum. As the entrance to the Colosseum began to unfold through the dim lights. A parade of people were there to witness the future King. If they only knew what was going to happen.

Aba was being carried along the courtyard, too, but from the other end. The crowd, in shock, fell silent. A guard was holding Aba tight and another guard held a sharp sword in his hands.

"Father, NO!!! Please do not kill him for he is the love of my life father. This is my fault and it is I who should pay the consequences, not Aba. Persecute me I beg you!"

The crowd fell even more silent. The King appeared from where he was standing, stood up and began to speak to the crowd, ignoring his sons wishes.

"My people of Magnifique Ciel, a crime has been commited by the Royal William Charles and by Aba, third generation farmer of the Theodor's. It is by law for me to put death the devil in the peasant. My son, however, will pay more of a price than just death. He will not be your king." The King faced William Charles, then, and said, "My son, if you love this man so much, and you wish to save him, then you must kill yourself with my weapon." The King, then, through his weapon into the Colosseum with great regret.

"William, NO!!", Aba yelled.

William Charles began to creep towards the weapon and finally had reached it. He looked up to his father and turned away from him and said "I love you Aba, I will meet you in Heaven my love." Blood smeared across the courtyard. The King, his family, the people, the guards, they all left William Charles alone. Aba did not leave though, he never did.

Saving Myself: "Ten More Years It Is"

The night crept along the side of my shoulder
Embodied every shimmer of moonlight
The coldness, i shuddered
It began to consume me and held onto my voice so tight

"Is it that the world has become one full of blackness?", I asked
Or have i been destroyed ? is this just pure madness ?

My thoughts become blurred
Distorted with fog
White silhouette of a face, pale. In every sense
Polluted and my breath, reeked of smog

Signs of dementia
Psychotic enigma
O' how i resembled a dog more than a man

What has become of me?
During this 20-year lifespan

The moon was at its peak
And my skin began to itch in pain
In this distance, i heard children
My veins began to thump as every chuckle went against the rain

The swings swung back and forth in motion
The wind caressed the side of my face and i began to shiver
But a man stood there and my mind began to convulse into mental erections

A part of me said, "Go to him"
Yet, another forced me to run away

Tear stricken face.

Am i destitute to forever stay in this place?

God save me as i penetrate and hide behind pitiful lies

This part of me - how i hate him

A man full of sin i must cage him

Father, Where art thou?

Mother, your voice is lingering

Where is my innocence as I walk so many miles?
Distaste in my heart i saved myself but there was never a child

The horizon began to glimmer shades of gold
My eyes squinted beyond what was coming
BEHOLD! A savior in the distance
And so the story is told

elevation is necessary

the past couple of months, i have grown, grown so far and learned so much more than you can ever imagine. For some, my learning process may have been oblivious. As for myself, i took a smack of reality in the face and finally sit down and realize truth. Along the way, as you might have heard me say so many times, i carried the three values of courage, hope, and faith close to my heart. Within these morals, although they are tattoed across my chest, I never fully embraced them until this week. In previous readings, i have written that i have lived in a sick and twisted reality, and indeed i have. But as a person who always pointed the finger, i can now look in the mirror, reflect on the image in front of me, and dread his appearance. I have learned that the problem was internal, a disease that i have unconciously embraced for years. And i am regretful to say that although i rid myself of that evil, he still lingers in my veins. He is a monster and i hate him.

This blog was to ensure not only the quality of my work, but to also express the hard, long, and enduring pain i carried on a day to day basis in order to keep my relationship with my partner sane. Sexual Addiction is NOT an uncontrollable disease. And i dare anyone to ever say that it is an uncotrollable one. Like any other addiction, it is a strenious and intense battle to maintain sobriety; however, i have learned if there is a will there is a way.

My dear and precious mother, came to yesterday. And as i spoke to her of my stories and of my hurdles. She looked, opened her mouth, and said, "Willie, I do not imagine you alive in ten years." She went on to discuss that she raised me a strong.

With all of the commotion going on in my life, I challenege myself from here on out to not hurt the ones i love by my actions.

- Because from now if someone can look at me in the face and tell me "I love you, i believe in you!", even after all the hurt ive managed to put them through, then for once, GOD DAMN IT, so will i !!!

through your perception

When you look towards the sky , what is it that you see ? Do your eyes become blurry and distorted with the vast emptiness of the blue-ness. Is it that you yearn to reach it all rather than coming to the understanding that you can only see but so far ? You believe that we are cursed with peripheal vision . I believe we are only blessed to see what lies right in front of us.







Now these days, I have come to the option of adopting the same way you process reality. Can I be the same man you are ? How love and hatred alike have brought us to this point. At times, I feel indefinite and unsure whether or not you see the purity in my love for you. What is it that blinds you really? I have come to the conclusion, though, that it isnt me who blinds you . Rather, it is you who blind yourself with the same fold you were blinded with as a child.





The significance, however, is that reality is both sick and twisted because it is how you have chosen to live your life. I become conflicted at times, and almost forced to live in that reality of sick and twistedness as well, only in hopes of changing the perception you were forced to reside in. I give it my all really, every single day. What is really sick though, is that I refuse to give up on you as did everyone else. Because indeed, i am not everyone else. I am fully determined and prepared to endure more of what I have and continue striving for what is plainly in sight.





One day though, I promise you, you will realize it too. To look beyond the destruction and beyond the inhumanities of life as given to us. The reason for living is to see beyond those demons and one has not lived until you see the purity, blockading the evil.






"in each of us two natures are at war ; the good and evil. all our lives the fight goes on between them, and one of them must conquer . but in our hands lies the power to choose . what we want most to be"

*buscame el sol porque estoy muriendo en la oscuridad

Isn't funny , how one day we live in total sunlight and the next in overcast and complete shadow ? This is the latter most accomplishment of dreamers though isn't it. Aren't we destined to look beyond the clouds and darkness rather than the blackness itself? And although it is difficult some how some way , we are enabled by the strength within us to continue to strive for a 'better day'. A day where we can look towards the sky and total brightness is tangible in our reach. Funny, because we have moments where that possibility seems manifested. Where we live in total sunlight and then from one day to the next : darkness creeps upon us. And we are blinded.

It i sad almost. How we are never truly prepared to fully accept the darkness. How we almost trick our own selves into believing that everything will remain OK. Why is it that we do not prepare ourselves for what should be already an expectation. The cycle is repetitive. Days, weeks, minutes, of happiness. And then suddenly when everything in this world seems like perfection, the world turns upside down.

I am convinced, however, that this is due to our own "Self Fulfilling Prophecy". A self fulfilling prophecy is one that is manifested through our own unconscious mind. If we fail to acknowledge that there is a possibility of something negative happening, then it will happen when we least expect it. It is better that we prepare ourselves both mentally and spiritually for the disappointment than to have to depress ourselves with the unannounced.

Personaly, I have learned to maneuver through the pain with three most important virtues. They include : courage , hope, and faith. The courage to continue striving for a better day. Hope that the possibility of a betetr day is the day you woke up. And faith that tommorrow actually exists.

" tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worst than the suffering itself, and that no heart has ever suffered when in search of its dreams. "

- paulo coehlo , The Alchemist

his riddle

baby im sick
sick to the core , you know ..
when you lay me down on ma backside and explored


baby im sick
so sick that i must make strokes within
to regain what was lost and lash out of this sin


baby im lost
just a mental case gone wrong
and my mind so weak blackened from the exhaust


baby im lost
so lost that I am trapped at age four
as he corrupted my sanity when baby im suppose to be yours


baby im destroyed
the more i enjoy the pain like a child on steroids
i become like a itching feign as i am destined to redeem my innocence washed clean


baby im destroyed
like parts of me are not intact
im one boy with millions of parts, distraught and mistaught


maybe im confused
misused and abused from time to time
its like a repetetive curse thats just been mimed


yes im sick
but you make me this way
as a boy now a man , forget the damage now im ready to play


the dillusions make me lost
a sick and twisted reality , one that is blended
between the show youve given me and my round of applause


destoryed like you
a mere grain of sand in the mixture of land
but up i stand and ready to expand


now you sit there as i belittle you
you have no idea what i have up my sleeve
not even a clue


sad because i play this game with a pokerface
and you -- so weak --
give me no competiton , such a disgrace


so this is what weve come to
somehow we've gotten here
hope .. i laugh at the word now , how untrue